Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

Welcome to The Rooftop

Teens, this is a place for you to settle in. Adolescence is a time of discovery, experimentation, and experiencing the world with new eyes and new courage. The world can’t be brilliant without you! Shine on! – How to become the vibrant, healthy, extraordinary adult you’re capable of being. Some of the things we cover include ways to build courage, resilience, confidence, self-esteem.

  • Being Human (and feeling the feels) – Building social and emotional intelligence, feelings and how to make them work in ways that nourish you.
  • Anxiety – What it is, why it feels the way it does, how to stop it getting in your way.
  • With Others – Friendships, peer pressure, how to shine, how to talk so others will listen, how to have difficult conversations, how to build friendships that work, how to set and protect your boundaries.
  • When People are a Pity – Bullying, frenemies, how to deal with friendships or relationships that feel bad, how to protect yourself from bullies or disrespect. 
  • Some Grown-Upish Conversation – No preaching, no lecturing – just a chat about the important things that can sometimes be tough to talk about.

 

You, Fabulous You

Building confidence, self-esteem, courage, and everything else that can make you even more fabulous than you already are.

 

Being Human

The feels – all the human feels. Managing the feels that feel bad, and building the ones that make you feel like a rock star.

 

How to manage and thrive through that flighty, racey, worrying feeling – because who doesn’t get anxiety!?

 

With Others

Relationships and building your tribe, your presence, and your connection with friends, family, the ones who don’t know you yet, social media.

 

Some Grown Up-ish Conversation

The answers to the questions you weren’t sure how to ask – addiction, alcohol, relationships, drugs and more.

 

When People Are A Pity

Dealing with bullies, frenemies, peer pressure, and the people who make life tougher than it needs to be.

 

Real Questions Answered

The info you want to know about … anything. Whether it’s because you’re curious, or because you’re dealing with something tough, if there’s something you’re wondering about, ask it here. The world feels a little kinder and a little easier when we share our ‘stuff’.

















Hey Warrior - A book about anxiety in children.








Hey Sigmund on Instagram

The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a threat - and shame, punishment, judgement, exclusion, humiliation all count as threat, even if they come with loads of love.
.
When our kids or teens mess up - which they will, because they’re humans not robots - the way we respond can open them up to our influence or shut them down to it. It can expand the fight and the disconnection, or it can shrink it. In time they will learn to be more in control of their urge for or flight, but for now, we will need to lead the way. (Of course, we are also human, and sometimes despite our biggest efforts to stay calm, we will step into the ring rather than wait for them to step out. We’re human. It’s going to happen. And that’s okay.)
.
If we want them to be open to our influence, we first need to calm their active amygdala (the seat of anxiety and big emotion) by sending the message that we aren’t a threat. We can do this by validating their feelings or the need behind their behaviour (if we know what that is).
.
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with them, and it doesn’t mean approving of their behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we want to understand the world through their lens. ‘I can see you’re really upset about this.’ ‘It sounds as though you’re worried I’m going to get in your way. I can see this is important to you. I really want to understand. Can you talk to me about this?’
.
When we do this, it sends a message to the protective, powerful, emotional amygdala that it’s safe and that it can back down. This will start to switch off the need to fight us or flee (ignore) us and open them up to our influence, support, warmth and guidance.
.
It also doesn’t mean giving them a free pass on ‘unadorable’ behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we see them, and that we understand there is something important they need. When things are calm, they will be much more open to exploring their decisions, their behaviour, the consequences of that (including any consequences for them), and what they can do differently in the future.
⠀⠀

The need to feel safe is primal. We’re wired to fight or flee anything that presents itself as a threat - and shame, punishment, judgement, exclusion, humiliation all count as threat, even if they come with loads of love.
.
When our kids or teens mess up - which they will, because they’re humans not robots - the way we respond can open them up to our influence or shut them down to it. It can expand the fight and the disconnection, or it can shrink it. In time they will learn to be more in control of their urge for or flight, but for now, we will need to lead the way. (Of course, we are also human, and sometimes despite our biggest efforts to stay calm, we will step into the ring rather than wait for them to step out. We’re human. It’s going to happen. And that’s okay.)
.
If we want them to be open to our influence, we first need to calm their active amygdala (the seat of anxiety and big emotion) by sending the message that we aren’t a threat. We can do this by validating their feelings or the need behind their behaviour (if we know what that is).
.
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with them, and it doesn’t mean approving of their behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we want to understand the world through their lens. ‘I can see you’re really upset about this.’ ‘It sounds as though you’re worried I’m going to get in your way. I can see this is important to you. I really want to understand. Can you talk to me about this?’
.
When we do this, it sends a message to the protective, powerful, emotional amygdala that it’s safe and that it can back down. This will start to switch off the need to fight us or flee (ignore) us and open them up to our influence, support, warmth and guidance.
.
It also doesn’t mean giving them a free pass on ‘unadorable’ behaviour. What it means is letting them know that we see them, and that we understand there is something important they need. When things are calm, they will be much more open to exploring their decisions, their behaviour, the consequences of that (including any consequences for them), and what they can do differently in the future.
⠀⠀
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