Resilience is the capacity to bounce back from a negative force. It’s your ability to adapt in a positive way to difficult situations. We are all wired for self-preservation. Our senses warn us of danger. Our bodies fight off disease and infection. And our beautiful minds protect us from harm with ways of coping such as denial and repression. Why then do we hear that internal “bad news” radio of ours, that seems to be stuck on the self-blame frequency? And what do we do about it to take better care of ourselves?
Life is filled with ups and downs. Even the most successful people face struggles on a daily basis, ask any therapist. Maybe you’re going through a bad divorce. Or, you could be facing serious financial problems. Or, it could be the sorrow of losing a loved one. In some cases, it could even be a combination of factors.
People who have BPD often have tremendous issues with anger — both expressing it and being the recipient of it. They will often go to extreme lengths to make people happy in order to avoid having people get angry at them. The flip side of that is that they themselves can go into a drop dead rage at the drop of a hat. I will examine why this happens.
We should not be surprised by the recent maelstrom of accusations of sexual harassment and assault. It’s a common occurrence, unfortunately, and until recently, one that has been hidden, silenced or even bought off. But times seem to be a-changing – and that’s certainly for the better. We see that there’s strength in numbers as literally hundreds of women and men are speaking out about their experiences of assault. This bravery not only shows adults, some who’ve been living with painful memories for years, that it’s important to stand up to sexual bullies and predators, it’s also teaching our youth that such behavior must not be tolerated.
What do I mean by the Myth of Specialness? Isn’t everyone special in his or her own right? It’s true. We are all special on a certain level. Everyone has a unique temperament and personality they bring to the world. This is what and how you impart your own unique set of influences and dynamics on the world around you.
As I sat in the pediatrician’s office, teary-eyed and defeated, I thought back to the first day I brought my son here. He was such a happy baby and I was in love with him. Regardless of his restless energy and frequent squirming, I knew he was going to surpass all fears I had of being a mother. Fast forward eight years, and we were back to discuss yet another medication for his ADHD. There was no chocolate, drink, drug or amount of sleep that could relieve this weight on my shoulders.
We live in a society that is geared towards extroversion. Think about it: a public school system that overtly pushes class participation, a work culture that encourages networking for current and future jobs (not to mention open-plan work spaces) and a society that promotes norms like small talk. America values the bold and gregarious and the louder people are, the more confident they appear and the more attention they receive.
When They Say This … They Might Need You To Know This. How to Strengthen Your Connection and Influence With Your Child
Children have a beautifully rich capacity to influence their world. There will be times this influence will feel strong and vibrant, as though their very important corner of the world is theirs to shape. Then there will be the other times – the ones when their capacity to influence will feel wafer thin and shadowed by rules, boundaries, louder voices, and other people. They’re no different to the rest of us like that.
Boundaries are our way of protecting and looking after ourselves. They are the secret gatekeepers to our souls, keeping the good in and the not-so-good out. But why does your child crave them? Boundaries help your child thrive by teaching them responsibility, security, consequences, respect, and emotional regulation.
Our children are our most prized treasures, and we know that we can take on anything we need to, if it means their well-being and happiness. We invest time and effort into giving them a good home and rearing them well, go the extra mile in giving them guidance, and sometimes reverse-engineer the impossible so we can be there when they need us.
Perfectionism is often applauded in our society and I get it. I am someone who is steeped in the art of achievement and accomplishment. I speak that language, intimately, and I have been in the vice grip that is the pursuit of perfection at various times throughout my journey and in various domains of my being. The pursuit of perfection can take on many different roles and styles of expression. Additionally, gender influences the expression of perfection in our society. In my practice, I have become more skilled at identifying the different and unique ways that men and women express this behavior.