I don’t know that there has ever been a time before when the world has been so completely united against a common enemy. That which has come to isolate us, unites us. At a time when we are having to physically distance ourselves from one another (and we must do this), it is faces and voices that are able to reach through the distance and uncertainty of it all and let our common humanity do its job. For me, this is not just through connecting with the ones I know, but by seeing in the faces and hearing in the words of strangers that more than ever, we are in this together. We are vulnerable together, anxious together, sad together, scared together, and in some sweet moments, hopeful.
It’s been almost 12 years since you left me and this world. In that time I have had more than my fill of time to think about our life together and process where everything went wrong and what was right about it. After you first died, the house rang with emptiness and I was consumed with loneliness and fear. You know I had never been on my own — always with you and that I didn’t really know how to be alone and I was very afraid of the idea of being on my own. True to my BPD diagnosis, the fear of abandonment was excruciating for me. For the first six months I struggled to sleep at night because I was so afraid of the quietness of the house.
As I sat in the pediatrician’s office, teary-eyed and defeated, I thought back to the first day I brought my son here. He was such a happy baby and I was in love with him. Regardless of his restless energy and frequent squirming, I knew he was going to surpass all fears I had of being a mother. Fast forward eight years, and we were back to discuss yet another medication for his ADHD. There was no chocolate, drink, drug or amount of sleep that could relieve this weight on my shoulders.
Perfectionism is often applauded in our society and I get it. I am someone who is steeped in the art of achievement and accomplishment. I speak that language, intimately, and I have been in the vice grip that is the pursuit of perfection at various times throughout my journey and in various domains of my being. The pursuit of perfection can take on many different roles and styles of expression. Additionally, gender influences the expression of perfection in our society. In my practice, I have become more skilled at identifying the different and unique ways that men and women express this behavior.
Teens and Depression – Why Teens Are More Vulnerable, and the Risk Factors Parents Need to Know About
During adolescence, our teens will go through more changes than at any other time of their lives. Nothing will stay the same – their friendships, their bodies, their brains, their place in the world and the way they make sense of it. For many of them (and us!) there will be times it will feel confusing, exhausting and stormy.