Where the Science of Psychology Meets the Art of Being Human

With Others

Relationships – the most rewarding, wonderful, excruciating and complicated of all our experiences. Here we look to psychology for new insights into how to make the most of being with our favourite, or not so favourite, others – lovers (or ex-lovers), children, family, friends.

How Taking These Types of Photos and Selfies Can Increase Happiness, Decrease Stress, and Deepen Connections
2nd November, 2016

How Taking Selfies and These Types of Photos Can Increase Happiness and Gratitude, Decrease Stress, and Deepen Connections

For a word that didn’t even exist a decade ago, ‘selfies’ have made their way into our everyday, as though a selfie shaped space has been reserved all this time, just for them. Just try getting through a day where you don’t take a selfie, look at a selfie, or practice your selfie face (s’ok – nobody’s gonna judge – we’re all friends here).

After the Affair - How to Forgive and Heal From Infidelity
28th October, 2016

After the Affair – How to Forgive, and Heal a Relationship From Infidelity

Infidelity happens for plenty of reasons. None of them good ones. It happens because of ego or stupidity or breakage. Or because of smugness or ignorance or a widening ache or an emptiness or the need to know ‘what else is there’. It happens because of arrogance or a lack of self-control or because of that thing in all of us that wants to feel adored or heroic or important or powerful or as though we matter. It happens because there’s a moment when the opportunity for this to happen is wide open and full of aliveness and temptation and it’s exciting and it’s there and it acts like it can keep a secret and as though it won’t’ do any damage at all.

Co-Parenting - How to Co-Operate With Your Ex to Protect Your Child
6th October, 2016

Co-Parenting – How to Co-Operate with Your Ex to Protect Your Child

“You can be bitter or you can be better,” my mom used to say. It’s become my mantra for relationships. With respect to an ex, a former beloved that’s now reduced to two letters, this mantra is hard to maintain. Demonstrated by this study on relationships, 55% of Americans admitted to blaming their exes for the failure of their marriage. That number jumps to 65% when considering only women.

When Someone You Love is Self-Harming
22nd September, 2016

When Someone You Love is Self-Harming

When someone you love is self-harming, it’s confusing, confronting, frightening and the feelings of helplessness can be breathtaking. You might not understand why this is happening, but you don’t have to. I wish we could give the people we love everything they need, but sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we, the world, it isn’t enough. This is scary for you and it’s scary for them.

















Hey Warrior - A book about anxiety in children.








Hey Sigmund on Instagram

Anxiety comes with a story, ‘I feel as though so Anxiety comes with a story, ‘I feel as though something bad is going to happen so something bad must be going to happen.’ This story makes sense, but it will drive fight or flight behaviour that can hold them back. This might look like avoidance, aggression, resistance, refusal, sick tummies, headaches, tears, tantrums.
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When we change the story, we change the response. To do this, we need to present anxiety as an ally that ‘works hard to keep you safe, but sometimes it just works a little too hard.’ .

Here’s how it works: When the amygdala senses something that might be a threat, it surges us with a powerful neurochemical cocktail to make us more powerful, stronger, faster, more alert, more able to fight or flee the threat. This drives every physical symptom that comes with anxiety. It’s the brain and body doing exactly what they are meant to do, but at a time they don’t need to. .

Not everything the brain senses as a threat is actually a threat. Brains are smart, but they can be a little overprotective sometimes. Brains will do anything to keep us alive - it’s why we love them so much - but sometimes they will work too hard.
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The problem is that the physiology is so persuasive. It feels like we’re in danger, which can make even the strongest of minds believe it to be true. The key is to help them see anxiety for what it is - a warning, not a stop sign. .
⠀⠀
We can strengthen them by nurturing a felt sense inside them that lets them feel bigger in the presence of anxiety - because they can feel anxious and do brave. We do this by presenting anxiety as something that is there to look after them, and something they can manage.
⠀⠀
Anxiety is there to hold them back from danger but it was never meant to hold them back. We know they are capable of big things, every one of them. Now to shift anxiety out of their way so they can know it too.

Anxiety comes with a story, ‘I feel as though something bad is going to happen so something bad must be going to happen.’ This story makes sense, but it will drive fight or flight behaviour that can hold them back. This might look like avoidance, aggression, resistance, refusal, sick tummies, headaches, tears, tantrums.
.
When we change the story, we change the response. To do this, we need to present anxiety as an ally that ‘works hard to keep you safe, but sometimes it just works a little too hard.’ .

Here’s how it works: When the amygdala senses something that might be a threat, it surges us with a powerful neurochemical cocktail to make us more powerful, stronger, faster, more alert, more able to fight or flee the threat. This drives every physical symptom that comes with anxiety. It’s the brain and body doing exactly what they are meant to do, but at a time they don’t need to. .

Not everything the brain senses as a threat is actually a threat. Brains are smart, but they can be a little overprotective sometimes. Brains will do anything to keep us alive - it’s why we love them so much - but sometimes they will work too hard.
.
The problem is that the physiology is so persuasive. It feels like we’re in danger, which can make even the strongest of minds believe it to be true. The key is to help them see anxiety for what it is - a warning, not a stop sign. .
⠀⠀
We can strengthen them by nurturing a felt sense inside them that lets them feel bigger in the presence of anxiety - because they can feel anxious and do brave. We do this by presenting anxiety as something that is there to look after them, and something they can manage.
⠀⠀
Anxiety is there to hold them back from danger but it was never meant to hold them back. We know they are capable of big things, every one of them. Now to shift anxiety out of their way so they can know it too.
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