A simple way to calm an anxious (and very excellent!) brain.
by Karen Young (BSc)(Psych)(Hons)MastGestTher
Here are 2 of my favourite snaps from the break. The first is outside what is now my favourite pizza place in Melbourne (the world?) @mattonapoletanopizzeria. The vibes were high (thanks fam), the pizza was elite (I do not use that word casually), and the staff were fabulous and made the night properly memorable.
The second pic is on New Year’s Eve. But there’s a story: I had an unexpected, (massive!) project land on me with a deadline that clearly thought 2026 was still a few months off.
Cue late nights, early mornings, and a very professional sideways slide into NYE - deadline met with three hours to spare.
That day, without me asking, my whole family brought everything a woman needs to make a tight deadline and NYE - snacks, tech support, pep talks, jokes, an eleventh-hour dash for an external hard drive (I did ask for that one), a loan of a laptop when mine decided it was done with 2025, and drinks on ice for when that project was done.
My NYE started late, but it was a cracker. I loved it. (Missed you @annacyoung and @pbarnes89 .)
I talk a lot about not rescuing kids from things they can do themselves, and I believe in that deeply.
I also believe in showing up for them on big days, hard days, busy days, and the days they’re already doing enough.
Turns out, they were watching all along.
Sometimes resilience is built by stretching. Sometimes it’s built by being backed.
Because if we want kids who are brave AND kind, generous, and can see what others need through the noise, we have to be that for them first, by showing up for them when they’re already doing enough.
Turns out they were watching all along.
(And before this looks like we always have our sh*t together as a family, we also had a proper family blow-up on the holiday. Because we’re a family. A loving one with an everythingness that is real and beautiful and human and hard some days. One that loves deeply, feels big, and has opinions, histories, tired bodies, full tanks, and needs that crash into each other sometimes. And as loving families also do, then we repaired, reconnected, and found our way back. Because that’s the work of being human together.)♥️
Jan 19
When terrible things happen, we want to make sense of things for our kids, but we can’t. Not in a way that feels like enough. Some things will never make any sense at all.
But here’s what you need to know: You don’t need to make sense of what’s happened to help them feel safe and held. We only need to make sense of how they feel about it - whatever that might be.
The research tells us so clearly that kids and teens are more likely to struggle after a tr@umatic event if they believe their response isn’t normal.
This is because they’ll be more likely to interpret their response as a deficiency or a sign of breakage.
Normalising their feelings also helps them feel woven into a humanity that is loving and kind and good, and who feels the same things they do when people are hurt.
‘How you feel makes sense to me. I feel that way too. I know we’ll get through this, and right now it’s okay to feel sad/ scared/ angry/ confused/ outraged. Talk to me whenever you want to and as much as you want to. There’s nothing you can feel or say that I can’t handle.’
And when they ask for answers that you don’t have (that none of us have) it’s always okay to say ‘I don’t know.’
When this happens, respond to the anxiety behind the question.
When we can’t give them certainty about the ‘why’, give them certainty that you’ll get them through this.
‘I don’t know why people do awful things. And I don’t need to know that to know we’ll get through this. There are so many people who are working hard to keep us safe so something like this doesn’t happen again, and I trust them.’
Remind them that they are held by many - the helpers at the time, the people working to make things safer.
We want them to know that they are woven in to a humanity that is good and kind and loving. Because however many people are ready to do the hurting, there always be far more who are ready to heal, help, and protect. This is the humanity they are part of, and the humanity they continue to build by being who they are.♥️
Dec 16
It’s the simple things that are everything. We know play, conversation, micro-connections, predictability, and having a responsive reliable relationship with at least one loving adult, can make the most profound difference in buffering and absorbing the sharp edges of the world. Not all children will get this at home. Many are receiving it from childcare or school. It all matters - so much.
But simple isn’t always easy.
Even for children from safe, loving, homes with engaged, loving parent/s there is so much now that can swallow our kids whole if we let it - the unsafe corners of the internet; screen time that intrudes on play, connection, stillness, sleep, and joy; social media that force feeds unsafe ideas of ‘normal’, and algorithms that hijack the way they see the world.
They don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to be enough. Enough to balance what they’re getting fed when they aren’t with us. Enough talking to them, playing with them, laughing with them, noticing them, enjoying them, loving and leading them. Not all the time. Just enough of the time.
But first, we might have to actively protect the time when screens, social media, and the internet are out of their reach. Sometimes we’ll need to do this even when they fight hard against it.
We don’t need them to agree with us. We just need to hear their anger or upset when we change what they’ve become used to. ‘I know you don’t want this and I know you’re angry at me for reducing your screen time. And it’s happening. You can be annoyed, and we’re still [putting phones and iPads in the basket from 5pm] (or whatever your new rules are).’♥️
Nov 23
What if schools could see every ‘difficult’ child as a child who feels unsafe? Everything would change. Everything.♥️
Nov 17
One of my favourite hikes ever. Maria Island - you are stunning!
Nov 13
Oh I love these videos, they make so much sense. Short sweet and very doable. Thank you ?
Thank you! I’m so pleased they’re helpful.