Depression in Teens: The Warning Signs and How to Help Them Through

Depression in Teens The Warning Signs and How to Help Them Through

One of the things that can make depression so difficult to recognise is that the symptoms can be things we all struggle with from time to time – sadness, hopelessness, lethargy, lack of engagement. When these very normal human experiences happen in a combination, duration or intensity that start to interfere with day-to-day life (school, relationships), it’s possible that depression might be waving a heavy hand over your teen.

During adolescence, the rates of depression skyrocket. According to the World Health Organisation, depression is the number one cause of illness and disability in adolescents. But there’s something else. Research shows that in half of all adults who have problems with their mental health, their symptoms showed up before age 14. Three-quarters had symptoms by age 24. This puts flashing lights around the importance of noticing when our teens are struggling and making sure they get the support they need. The earlier symptoms are caught, the easier it will be to stop those symptoms expanding into something bigger and more difficult to shift.

What are the symptoms of depression in teens to watch out for?

For a diagnosis of depression, a particular cluster of symptoms needs to have been there for at least for two weeks. These symptoms must include at least one of either a depressed mood, or a loss of interest or pleasure in things that were once enjoyable. Many times these will just be a normal part of adolescence and nothing at all to worry about, but if depression is happening, there will be other telltale signs. Here are some to watch out for:

  1. Happiness, anger, indifference – the many faces of depression.

    Depression doesn’t always look like sadness or withdrawal. Some of depression’s classic disguises are:

    •  Anger or irritability.

    Depression often comes with lethargy, pain and/or hopelessness. Understandably, this can make people angrier, more irritable or more impatient than usual.

    •  Happy, but reluctant to spend time with friends or family.

    It’s takes a huge amount of strength to move through the day with depression hanging on. If your teen has depression they might use this strength to put on a happy face, but where there is depression, there is also likely to be increasing withdrawal. It’s very normal for teens to withdraw from family activities – it’s part of them experimenting with their growing independence. The thing to watch out for is if they withdraw more from friends and spend more time on their own than usual.

•  Indifference.
Depression doesn’t just steal happy feelings. Sometimes it can steal all feelings, which can make people seem flat or indifferent. In teens, it can be difficult to tell whether their indifference is just a normal part of adolescence or whether it’s something more. It’s not at all unusual for teens to seem more indifferent and there’s a good reason for this. Dopamine is the chemical that creates the feel-good when we get something we want, and in teens the baseline levels in the brain are lower than they are in adults or children, creating a sense of flatness. There is a way though, to tell the difference between normal adolescence and depression. Watch out for what happens when your teen does something that feels good or when they get something they want. When adolescents do something that feels good, the dopamine levels are higher than they are in adults, so the feel-good feels better. In depression, this doesn’t happen. There is a constant sense that nothing makes a difference, and the flatness or indifference doesn’t shift even when they are doing something that they would normally have enjoyed.

  1. Pulling back from people and activities that were once enjoyable.

    Depression takes away the sense of enjoyment from things that were once enjoyable. Watch out for your teen cancelling plans or making excuses to avoid the things they once wouldn’t have missed. 

  2. Tiredness, lethargy, exhaustion.

    Depression is exhausting and can make people more tired than usual, even if they seem to spend more time sleeping.

  3. Depression hurts, literally.

    Depression is a physical illness, so sometimes the symptoms will show up physically. Watch out for unexplained headaches and migraine, stomach aches, back pain, joint aches and pains. Mood and pain share the same pathways in the brain and they are regulated by the same brain chemicals (serotonin and norepinephrine). When the balance of these neurochemicals is out, pain and mood might both be affected. 

  1. Giving up on things that are important.

    The hopelessness, helplessness and lowered self-esteem that come with depression might see depressed teens giving up on school, friendships, or other things that are important to them.

  2. Change in physical movements and speech.

    Depression can speed up movement (restlessness, agitation, fidgeting, pacing, leg shaking or hand-wringing), or it can slow down movement and speech.

  1. Fuzzy thinking, difficulty concentrating and remembering.

    As well as draining physical and emotional energy, depression can also take a swipe at mental energy. Teens with depression might have difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions. Slowed thinking might mean they take longer to collect their thoughts, which can show itself as slowed speech.

  1. Isolating from others.

    There’s nothing wrong with wanting some alone time, but when there’s a noticeable withdrawal, it might be a problem. This might be because being with people no longer brings joy (because nothing brings joy), or because fatigue, or having to put on a happy face when there is no ‘happy’ to hold it up feels too hard. Depression also has a way of convincing even the strongest of minds that they are a burden to those around them and that they are best keeping themselves to themselves.

  2. Change in sleeping habits.

    About 40% of young adults with depression have hypersomnia, which is excessive sleeping. Depression can make people oversleep, or wake earlier than usual and have trouble going back to sleep.

  1. Change in eating habits.

    Depression can create an emptiness that feels unbearable, and people might turn to food to try to fill the void. Eating habits can also change in the other direction, with people eating less.

  2. Change in grades.

    Depression brings fuzzy thinking, low energy and difficulty concentrating. All of this can make studying, listening and learning more difficult. The clue that this is happening will be a change in grades.

  3. Taking more, using more, doing more.

    Depression is more than sadness. It’s an inability to feel joy. This is confusing and frightening for anyone to feel, and as a way to find relief from that, or to distract themselves from their pain, teens might turn to all sorts of risky or addictive behaviour. They might be driven to do more of what has felt good before, or anything that helps them to feel – something. This might look like drinking, drugs, skipping school, gaming excessively, eating excessively or self-harm. 

  4. Self-injury.

    All of us can only push down big feelings for a certain amount of time before they start to push for attention. Physical pain and emotional pain share the same pathways in the brain. When emotional pain feels too big or when it stops making sense, self-harming can be a way to find short but needed relief from the heaviness that comes with depression. Teens don’t do this to manipulate or to control the people around them – they wish they could stop too. They do it to make the pain go away.

If you suspect your teen is depressed …

Depression is such a persuasive beast, and it can convince anyone it’s holding onto that nothing will make a difference. This hopelessness is a classic symptom of depression, and the very thing that gets in the way of healing from it. If you suspect your teen might have depression, the first step is getting a diagnosis so everyone knows what they’re dealing with. A doctor or mental health professional can help with this. Depression doesn’t always need medication, but it might. Having the support of a loving adult will be important for any teen who is trying to find their way through depression. If that supportive and loving adult is you, here are some things you can do to help your teen strengthen and heal:

  • Help them find ways to connect with other teens.

    Healthy friendships can be comfort and protection against the messy times that can come with adolescence. The problem can be finding these friends. School isn’t the only source of friendship. In fact, sometimes school friendships can be a huge source of sadness, fear and hurt. If your teen is struggling with friendships at school, it’s easy for them to be drawn into believing that it will be like this everywhere, but it won’t. Explain that school comes with different pressures and different problems that won’t be found in other environments. There will be people out there who would love to know your teen. Their tribe is out there, but sometimes they might have to look beyond the school ground to find them. Encourage your teen to try activities or join groups to expose themselves to people who share a more similar view of the world than the people at school. Some ways to do this are through sport, drama, music, part-time jobs, art classes, cooking classes. This might not be easy – depression drains energy for everything. Point out to your teen that it’s not necessarily about the activity, but about expanding their opportunity to find the people who will love being with them – and for certain those people are out there.

  • Meditation and exercise.

    Recent research has found that depression can be reduced by up to 40% in two weeks through a combination of thirty minutes of mindful meditation and thirty minutes of exercise (treadmill or static bike), twice a week. Encourage your teen to try anything that will get his or her heart pumping. If they’re depressed, they might not be jumping at the opportunity to exercise. It’s part of what depression does, so you might need to be a bit creative – let one of their chores be to take the dog for a walk, take a sibling to the park to kick a ball, or to walk with you at night-time to keep you company. For the meditation part, the Smiling Mind app is a free app that has guided meditations for teens. It’s an easy and no-hassle way to get started with mindfulness, which has been proven by a mountain of research to be helpful with depression.

  • And while we’re on apps …

    A collection of 13 apps developed by researchers from Northwestern University has been found to reduce depression and anxiety by up to 50%. 

  • Keep it real.

    Push against the ridiculous ideas of how they ‘should’ look by helping them to develop a healthy idea of what ‘beautiful’ means. The concept of beauty isn’t the problem, the definition is. Our teens are barraged with unrealistic and very narrow versions of what ‘body beautiful’ means. Help them to expand this, and to nurture a healthy body image by pointing out the many different versions of body beautiful that you see. This important for teen boys too.

  • When they feel heard they feel cared for.

    Teens, particularly girls, will connect listening with caring. They might not always listen to you, and that’s okay, but if they feel as though you aren’t listening to them, they might feel as though you don’t care. It’s easy to dismiss their worries or mood swings as part of the normal ups and downs of adolescence – and it absolutely might be – but it’s still important to let them know that you hear them, that you notice them, and that you’re there for them.

  • Reduce gaming time – let them game with friends.

    True, it might feel easier to catch a falling star in a glass jar, but anything you do can make a difference. Research has found that teens who spend more than four hours a day gaming can be vulnerable to depression, but there is a way to turn that risk around – let them game with friends. Boys who spend time gaming with friends, or those who are connected to friends either online or in real life appear to be protected from the depressive effects of heavy gaming. Girls who spend a lot of time gaming and who are socially active online are less lonely and less socially anxious, but they also show lower self-esteem. The reason behind your teen’s gaming is important. Researchers suggest that if it seems to be an attempt to ward of loneliness or to cope with the world, it might be time to step in to reduce the time spent at the console. Otherwise, if it’s a way to socialise or to connect with others, either in person or online in interactive games, there’s less likely to be a need for concern.

  • Every day say something positive, and find something positive in everything.

    Even when teens mess up there’s gold in there somewhere, but they (you) might have to work hard to find it. Whether it’s about the way they come to you for advice or to download, whether it’s the way they learn from their experience, or that they didn’t pick a worse choice – there will be something. Try to say something positive every day, even if they don’t seem to take it in. Depression gives teens plenty of reasons to feel ‘less than’, so it’s important to protect them by pushing back against it whenever you can. 

  • Be available, but not intrusive.

    As little people, children turn to their parents for comfort and protection when they scrape against the hard edges of the world. As teens though, they are driven by the very important developmental goal of separating from parents and family. There can often be pressure (from inside of themselves or outside), to deal with things on their own, or at the very least without their parents. This can be tough for everyone. Finding the balance between holding them close and respecting their need for autonomy and independence isn’t easy, but it’s so important. Let your teen know they can talk to you about anything at all. When they do, listen and absorb whatever they tell you, even if it’s shocking. The more they can feel you as a strong, steady presence through their turmoil, the more they’ll trust that you can be there for them, even when things are messy.

  • All of their feelings are okay.

    Feelings that don’t get felt or expressed cause breakage. All feelings are valid and they are all okay to be there. It’s never feelings that cause trouble, it’s the way they are dealt with – or not dealt with. When feelings are pushed down or ignored, they’ll sprout little roots and they’ll grow. If teens don’t feel safe enough to feel anything they’re feeling – angry, confused, scared, guilty, jealous – the risk is they’ll cut themselves off from one feeling, then another and another. When they cut themselves off from bad feelings, it becomes easier to also cut themselves off from the good ones. 

  • Be available on their terms.

    Depression can be relentless, convincing people that they aren’t worthy of love or worthy of the fight. Your teen might crave company and someone to talk to, but at the same time push everyone away. Anything you can to do let them know that you’re there for them on their terms will be important. Some ways to gently do this are by sitting with them and watching whatever they’re watching on tv, or popping into their room just before they fall asleep – it’s often a time when they’re feeling safe and bundled away from the world, and when they might give you a little window into theirs. 

  • Know their ‘normal’.

    There are so many different versions of normal. Your teen’s version of ‘normal’ will change during adolescence, but the more you can get a handle on whatever their ‘normal’ is – feelings, behaviour, habits – the quicker you’ll get a feel for when something is off. This can be particularly difficult during adolescence because they’re changing so much, but trust your instincts. If you’re in doubt, ask. ‘I notice you’re sleeping a lot lately. Do you feel as though you are?’ If they say it’s fine, trust it for a while. If it feels like things aren’t fine, be open to the possibility that you’re absolutely right. Trust your intuition and continue to be gently curious.

  • You don’t have to fix them.

    See them and notice them but remember that you don’t have to fix them. None of us like feeling as though we’re a problem that needs fixing, which is how it can feel when people jump into problem-solving mode, even when it’s done with the most loving intent. Instead, listen with an open heart and an open mind and without judgement. Create opportunities for your teen, but express them incidentally and without expectation. Rather than, ‘You know if you exercised you’d probably feel better,’try, ‘I’m taking the dogs for a walk a little bit later if you want to come.’

And finally …

Adolescence is a time of massive change, which can be confusing for teens and the people who love them. Adding to the confusion, ‘normal’ teenage behaviour and signs of a mental health struggle can look the same. Changes in sleep and eating patterns, moodiness, pulling away from family, irritability – these can all be a very normal part of adolescence, or they can be symptoms of depression. It’s important to let your teen pull away when they need to. The push for independence from family and parents is a really important part of adolescence, but it’s also important to stay gently curious, vigilant and available. The more we notice when those we love are struggling, or the more we listen to the heart whispers when something isn’t right, the more empowered we are to respond in a way that can heal and strengthen.



Very good Article. What I learned from having a 16 year old is to LISTEN. ….LISTEN even when you are tired, when you are busy, when you don’t want to. NEVER tell the child how much you paid for the items you bought them. NEVER tell a struggling teen they are ungrateful, or how much you work to keep them safe. ITS not about you. I learned that even at 1 14 to 6 they have views they think you don’t want to hear or take serious.NEVER JUDGE or give your advice if it places them in bad light. What I learned is that many teens want you to ask them for help, they want you to depend on them, yes some times you have to be a friend as well as a parent. You don’t have to help them break the law, but let them express themselves, no matter how absurd their ideas may be. Lastly I learned to write my feelings down, and showed them to my 15 year old. Eventually she started writing her feelings. She started writing stories of how she felt. I never asked to read her thoughts but told her to keep writing, and she did. She now confides in many things with me. Its a long struggle but you have to know that mental illness is real and not made up

Gin ksai

Though i am in the end of my teenage, i do not know what i was facing, so here is my young bro who is at the initial stage of teenage, dealing hard with him. I tried to stop him from every movement, but a reluctant was visible in him. My mom told me that it can be due to the changes that he go through. As I can see that most of the articles is about depression, I now realise that he needs help to overcome his anxiety. Because the past few days he talk to me about how he missed his freind, since he change his school, there is a great diffrence of his companion. So today I understand your articles and it help me alot. Thanks to the writer.

Karen Young

Gin what a wonderful support you are for your brother. It’s great that he is able to talk to you about this. Talking helps healing. A certain amount of anxiety is normal and it is something that happen in all of us from time to time. It becomes a problem with it gets in the way of everyday life. Grief will come with any loss, and it sounds as though your brother is feeilng the loss of his very dear friend who is at a different school. These feelings are big when they happen, but then they start to fade. I’m pleased the information here is helpful. My very best wishes to you and your brother.


I am 13 yes old .I have all these symptoms but my mother doesn’t seem to realise I might be going through depression. She thinks I’m just being stupid or ungrateful for aelf harming

Karen Young

Christine I love that you have reached out to someone for support. That takes courage, and it’s so important. It can be very difficult for parents to know what to say or do when someone they love so much is struggling. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to support you and it doesn’t mean they don’t want to be there for you – it’s just difficult to know how to respond sometimes.

If you are self-harming, it’s really important that you speak to somebody who is able to help you through this. Are you able to speak to a school counsellor or a teacher you trust? What I know for certain, is that self-harm does not come from stupidity or a lack of gratitude. It is very real. If you are self-harming here is some information that might be helpful for you I would really encourage you to speak to someone you trust who can help you through this. You are not alone, and you don’t have to do this alone. You are brave and there is a strength in you – I can hear it in your words. You can get through this. Love and strength to you.

Karen Young

If depression is involved, it is not surprising that your daughter refused. Depression can make people feel hopeless, lethargic and disinterested. Try for something that feels more incidental – maybe a walk outside with you, or a walk around a park. Talk to her about what might feel okay for her, and whether there is some sort of activity she things she might like to try with you.


Thank you so much for this website. My 15 year old son just diagnosed with Depression and ADHD and I tried everything to see what I can help him. This article is so helpful. I will get my son to try mediation and exercise. However when I told him about this mediation and exercise, he seems not want to do . What is my option now?

Karen Young

Something that can be helpful is to explain exactly how meditation and exercise work to strengthen the brain. It can be really difficult to commit to something that doesn’t show results immediately, without an understanding of what it’s doing. Here is an article that might help you with the words, and also, and

The thing is, you can’t force a 15 year old to do anything they don’t want to do. I wish we could have a bigger influence with the things that are good for them, but it just doesn’t work this way. The very nature of adolescence is that it’s a time when teens start to claim their independence. This is important for their development towards adulthood, and it can be a great thing, but also a difficult thing when they refuse to do the things that can strengthen them.

The best way to have the conversation is to give him the information, then let him know it’s up to him. Acknowledge that you can’t force him, but here it is – if you want to, do it and if you don’t, don’t. Something that might be more interesting for your son is a mindfulness app. There are a lot of great ones out there. Smiling Mind is one that has plenty of research to back it. In relation to exercise, is there something you son might be interested in trying? Soccer? Rock climbing? Basketball? Walking a dog? There are lots of activities that don’t necessarily feel like exercise – it’s a matter of finding the one that he’s interested in. I know that isn’t always easy though. Just keep having the gentle conversation with him. My best wishes to you and your son.

Dr. Rao

wonderful article. i have a son, aged 13, shows all these signs. now really i have to take care of him to get his relieved of all these problems.

Will try my best, instead of resorting to medicene, i will try being his best friend

Thanks a lot for enlightening us


Thank you so much for this article, it’s fantastic! I sometimes feel like I am walking in the dark, blindly trying to figure out whether my teen is going through normal teen emotions or if it is depression. This article you wrote (over a year ago, wow!) helped me out. 🙂

Karen Young

You’re so welcome. Figuring out whether it’s normal adolescent emotion or depression can be tricky, and so important. I’m pleased the information is helpful.


OHHH KELEN!!! what a good article is this? as a teacher of such children, this will remain the back-born of my behavior while dealing with them.

go on plz!!!

Asama Y

This is an excellent writing on teenage depression in which signs, symptoms, causes, and possible solutions are beautifully discussed. In this writing, there is more information How parents can help or motivate or make a friendly relationship with their teens to overcome this mental stress. We learn many things from this writing how to make a positive concern to our teenagers instead of leaving them alone. A better communication with our teens can reduce suicidal thoughts from their minds. The best writing indeed.

Abdul aziz

Thanks for the article man,My daughter is getting anger for most of thing and she is not sleeping well,I think she is depressed,I am going spent some time with her.

Erin H

Hi Karen, I just want to thank you for your comforting and educated words of wisdom. I have a 17 year old daughter who is really struggling with her peers at the moment and as a result has been ostracized out of her social circle. She hasn’t the courage just yet to stand up for her own reasons as to why she broke away and is learning a lot of life experiences that harder way as a result. It’s a really tough time at the moment so your educated insight has validated that I as a single mom are taking all the right approaches. I am young myself so can completely empathize from my own teenage experience. I’m optimistic that she will get better. Tomorrow I will be contacting our local youth service that offers the big sister mentoring option for my daughter. Even though I have said that I am here through thick and thin I feel right now she needs another peer in her life that she can also trust and confide in and perhaps more than she is with me now. I worry. Her issues have isolated us both to a certain extent so it’s time to reach out now. I only ever want the best for her. I will continue to draw strength from your work so thank you and keep on informing us parents.


I have a 12 year old daughter that started “developing” just before 4th grade. She was very ashamed of her body because the other girls weren’t developing too. Now in 6th grade, it has been the worst. She wants to put coloring in her hair and wants to wear black all the time. She does well in school, but she has lost interest in things, doesn’t sleep well at all and has a “carefree” attitude. She thinks life has no purpose. My husband thinks she just needs discipline. I agree she needs limits, but I truly do not believe it is a attitude problem.


I wish I could have seen this article a few years ago. I have a now 16 year old depressed teen it seems that it just came one day like an unwelcomed guest. I’ve taken her to her doctor we were swiftly given information to see a therapist in which we did, and then a psychologist which we did that she was given antidepressant which seems to work at times. She is at her last year in school, and she is no longer interested in college or pretty much anything. I feel like I’m watching her slip away my husband and I are have done everything that we can think of and none of the doctors have helped. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

Karen Young

Michelle I’m sorry this is happening to your daughter. The final year of school can be an awful, stressful time, and a time when teens are confronted with the question of ‘what next?’. There are a number of articles on this link which might give you some strategies to try. Exercise and meditation have been found to be really important for managing depression. The problem is that depression also swipes at motivation and creates and awful sense of hopelessness. If there is any way, try to encourage your daughter to try a regular practice of mindfulness (the Smiling Mind app is a great place to start) and exercise. I know this might be difficult though, given the nature of depression. Gut health can also make a really imporant difference Hopefully you will find something on this link that feels right for you daughter, and which will help your daughter towards healing. I wish your daughter strength and healing.


hi – my son is doing similar, it’s breaking my heart, we’ve always been so close and at the moment I can’t do anything right, I feel truly desperate, this article and the messages you’ve all left have made me feel less alone, he’s shouting at me that he hates everything and then telling me he loves me. I just need to know I’m not alone at the moment – thanks.


I wish there were those who educated and more aware of this when I was growing up.
Sometimes it can be an event, a life changing that cause a teen to spiral.
In the community that I grew up in people didn’t “talk” or “share” about feelings. You just had to get through it. Even in the church. While you feel that you are dying inside and just existing on the outside.
Thank you for educating today’s family’s.

Karen Young

Beth I hear you. I wish that every teen could have somebody to talk to when they need to. We all need that. Being a teen can be hard even when there is so much love and support available, but when there isn’t, it can feel all the more lonely and problems can feel so much bigger. I hope we keep learning and getting better at finding ways for our teens feel loved, supported and safe enough to talk about the things that are important for them.

michael okane

All symptons described I recognise,can be be really heartbreaking watching some one struggle and it seems nothing you do can help,you feel so useless! But yet you have to try and hold it together for the person who is ( i’ll ) people seem to forget depresseion is an illness!


Really helpful article. My son is only 11 but is an early developer and is definitely showing these signs just now. He’s had a lot to deal with over the past year – a diagnosis of Tourette’s Syndrome, possible ASD and some domestic unrest. We have just now settled into our new home and everything is just starting to improve, and after coping so well at the height of things he now seems to be sinking again. We talk a lot and he can tell me how he feels, which I’m really grateful for. One thing I find interesting – both he and I have noticed that if he is feeling ‘down’ for any length of time, his tics and hyperactivity lessen. I have read that excessive dopamine may be at the root of Tourette’s Syndrome (though no-one seems to know for sure). If low dopamine levels are a common cause of depression in teens, and the high levels cause the extreme tics that occur mainly during a Tourette’s sufferers teenage years, could the two conditions be on the same barometer? If so, I’d rather have a happy boy with tics than a depressed boy, so will focus more on his depression now I’ve identified it. Thanks for the article, very helpful indeed. x

Karen - Hey Sigmund

Emma this is a really interesting question. There is evidence to suggest that excessive dopamine may contribute to Tourette’s, but what we don’t know (yet) are what other factors are also contributing. There may be genetic factors, environmental factors, and there may be other neurological processes that we are unaware of. There is so much we don’t know about the workings of the brain and the things that infuence its workings – but we are learning more by the day.

Similarly, there are many things that can cause depression in teens. Dopamine is generally lower in all teens, but not all teens will get depression because of it. The point about dopamine in the article is that all teens can seem flat and indifferent at times because of the lower baseline levels of dopamine that are a normal part of adolescence, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that flatness and indifference is a sign of depression. The exact cause of depression isn’t known, but we are aware that there some things that seem to contribute – genetic factors, environmental factors, physiological factors (gut health) and brain chemistry. It’s possible that an interaction between all of these or some of these may have something to do with it. The most popular theory has been that low serotonin is the reason for depression, which is why medication for depression worked on correcting serotonin levels. This theory has started to weaken due to the finding that serotonin based medications are vastly ineffective for many people.

It’s such a great thing that your son talks to you so much about what’s going on for him and what he is feeling. It will really make a difference to his experience during adolescence. There are lifestyle factors that have been found to help with the symptoms of depression. Gut health, exercise (also this article, mindfulness (the free Smiling Mind app is a great place to start, sleep and connection (such as the one he has with you) are all important. It’s such a great thing that your son talks to you so much about what’s going on for him and what he is feeling. It will really make a difference to his experience during adolescence.


Thank you for a really helpful article. As a teacher and a parent, I learnt things I really did not know about and it will help me enormously. Take care.

Jean Tracy

You really did your research, Karen. Now parents have 13 signs to evaluate their teens behavior and 12 ways to help. Thank you for creating such a helpful article.


What an insightful article Karen. Thank you for sharing this because I am in my daughter’s Parent Support Group so will pay it forward to the other team members too.


Karen this article is very thorough and excellent! Planning to share on my social media today.

As a mental health professional with over 20 years of experience, this is exactly the message many of us are trying to desperately communicate to parents.

Karen - Hey Sigmund

Thanks very much Michelle. Depression in teens is such a difficult and confusing thing to deal with isn’t it – for everyone – parents, teens and the people who love them. Thank you for keeping the conversation going.

Zee Carter (fake name)

Call me zee I’m 15 and what you said did explain but my parents tried to change me causing my depression to worsen how do I escape from this cage I’m in from the changes that happend

Karen Young

Sometimes it can be difficult for parents to know what to do. They would love you so much, and would want the very best for you, but it isn’t easy to always know what that is. Please speak to a doctor or teacher or a family friend. There is help out there and there are people who can give you the support you need. You don’t have to do this alone.

Stan Glendenning

Thanks again, Karen.

Once again, you’ve hit every nail squarely on the head with this article. I’m so grateful for this knowledge, because to be informed ahead of any possible issues is great. Thanks to these articles about teenagers, I’ve been much better at guiding my 15-year old son, who is wonderful by the way, while he was experiencing some anger issues a day or so ago.

Having the information from your articles already in mind, I’m far better able to deal with these teenager issues in a more understanding and less contentious way.

Thanks so much, Karen, the guidance you give is invaluable.


I’m a teenage girl, I feel all that, irritability, isolation, not wanting to do the things i would enjoy. I constantly want to be left alone and when I am, i have a better time healing…..but all the things you told people should do around a depressed teenager is not being done around me, it is infact the opposite. I have a difficult time explaining myself, putting everything im thinking and feelings into words so this article was something that made me feel light, as if i just told everyone what im actually feeling and what i want other people to do to help me. Im sorry I’ve just constantly been struggling with concentration when typing for the past month so I just wanted to say thank you because you just made a person who was going through pain just feel a little less depressed.

Karen Young

Sarina, what you are describing makes so much sense. I’m sorry you are feeling unsupported at the moment. Please know that you don’t have to go through this on your own. There are so many people your age who would understand what you are feeling because they feel it too. There are also a lot of adults who would understand because they’ve been through it too. You will get through this, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way. If you are unable to get the support you need from the adults around you, please speak to a teacher or counsellor at your school. You are brave, strong, and open-hearted, and there are adults who want to support you through this.


Im just 14 but I dont know if i have depression but i just cant do anything to be happy I dont know how to be happy i started smoking weed a few years ago and thats the only time im happy is wene im high is that bad

Karen Young

Josh please speak to an adult you trust. Smoking weed might feel like the answer now, but it is only a temporary relief. You are at an age where your brain is so vulnerable to addiction. I completely understand how hopeless things might feel for you at the moment, but there it doesn’t have to be this way and you don’t have to do it on your own. If you are not able to speak to a parent, please find a teacher or another adult you trust. There will be adults around you who want to support you through this – that’s what we’re there for. It will likely be the bravest and best thing you will do for yourself. You have everything inside you that you need to be happy. It’s absolutely okay to reach out for support you in tapping into that. We all need someone else to lean on sometimes. And let go of the weed. It will be changing your brain in ways that aren’t good for you. This is such a short time in your life – it feels like it isn’t, but it is, I promise you. I can tell by your comment that you are open-hearted, brave, intelligent and strong. You can do this – the world needs people just like you.

Bonita Neville Ekhardt

This is a very well written article for parents. You have done an excellent job of informing them regarding teen depression and things they can do. As a therapist with many years experience with young people I can’t think of anything you have left out.


Hi – I agree. I have a 13 year old son who’s struggling at the moment. Any advice and strategies are much appreciated.


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Lead with warmth and confidence: ‘Yes I know this feels big, and yes I know you can handle it.’ 

We’re not saying they’ll handle it well, and we’re not dismissing their anxiety. What we’re saying is ‘I know you can handle the discomfort of anxiety.’ 

It’s not our job to relive this discomfort. We’ll want to, but we don’t have to. Our job is to give them the experiences they need (when it’s safe) to let them see that they can handle the discomfort of anxiety. 

This is important, because there will  always be anxiety when they do something brave, new, important, growthful. 

They can feel anxious and do brave. Leading with warmth and confidence is about, ‘Yes, I believe you that this feels bad, and yes, I believe in you.’ When we believe in them, they will follow. So often though, it will start with us.♥️
There are things we do because we love them, but that doesn’t mean they’ll feel loved because of those things.

Of course our kids know we love them, and we know they love us. But sometimes, they might feel disconnected from that feeling of being ‘loved by’. As parents, we might feel disconnected from the feeling of being ‘appreciated by’.

It’s no coincidence that sometimes their need to feel loved, and our need to feel appreciated collide. This collision won’t sound like crashing metal or breaking concrete. It will sound like anger, frustration, demanding, nagging. 

It will feel like not mattering, resentment, disconnection. It can burst through us like meteors of anger, frustration, irritation, defiance. It can be this way for us and our young ones. (And our adult relationships too.)

We humans have funny ways of saying, ‘I miss you.’

Our ‘I miss you’ might sound like nagging, annoyance, anger. It might feel like resentment, rage, being taken for granted, sadness, loneliness. It might look like being less playful, less delighting in their presence.

Their ‘I miss you’ might look like tantrums, aggression, tears, ignoring, defiant indifference, attention-seeking (attention-needing). It might sound like demands, anger, frustration.

The point is, there are things we do because we love them - cleaning, the laundry, the groceries, cooking. And yes, we want them to be grateful, but feeling grateful and feeling loved are different things. 

Sometimes the things that make them feel loved are so surprising and simple and unexpected - seeking them out for play, micro-connections, the way you touch their hair at bedtime, the sound of your laugh at their jokes, when you delight in their presence (‘Gosh I’ve missed you today!’ Or, ‘I love being your mum so much. I love it better than everything. Even chips. If someone said you can be queen of the universe or Molly’s mum, I’d say ‘Pfft don’t annoy me with your offers of a crown. I’m Molly’s mum and I’ll never love being anything more.’’)

So ask them, ‘What do I do that makes you feel loved?’ If they say ‘When you buy me Lego’, gently guide them away from bought things, and towards what you do for them or with them.♥️
We don’t have to protect them from the discomfort of anxiety. We’ll want to, but we don’t have to.

OAnxiety often feels bigger than them, but it isn’t. This is a wisdom that only comes from experience. The more they sit with their anxiety, the more they will see that they can feel anxious and do brave anyway. Sometimes brave means moving forward. Sometimes it means standing still while the feeling washes away. 

It’s about sharing the space, not getting pushed out of it.

Our job as their adults isn’t to fix the discomfort of anxiety, but to help them recognise that they can handle that discomfort - because it’s going to be there whenever they do something brave, hard , important. When we move them to avoid anxiety, we potentially, inadvertently, also move them to avoid brave, hard, growthful things. 

‘Brave’ rarely feels brave. It will feel jagged and raw. Sometimes fragile and threadbare. Sometimes it will as though it’s breathing fire. But that’s how brave feels sometimes. 

The more they sit with the discomfort of anxiety, the more they will see that anxiety isn’t an enemy. They don’t have to be scared of it. It’s a faithful ally, a protector, and it’s telling them, ‘Brave lives here. Stay with me. Let me show you.’♥️
#parenting #childanxiety #anxietyinkids #teenanxiety
We have to stop treating anxiety as a disorder. Even for kids who have seismic levels of anxiety, pathologising anxiety will not serve them at all. All it will do is add to their need to avoid the thing that’s driving anxiety, which will most often be something brave, hard, important. (Of course if they are in front of an actual danger, we help anxiety do its job and get them out of the way of that danger, but that’s not the anxiety we’re talking about here.)

The key to anxiety isn’t in the ‘getting rid of’ anxiety, but in the ‘moving with’ anxiety. 

The story they (or we) put to their anxiety will determine their response. ‘You have anxiety. We need to fix it or avoid the thing that’s causing it,’ will drive a different response to, ‘Of course you have anxiety. You’re about to do something brave. What’s one little step you can take towards it?’

This doesn’t mean they will be able to ‘move with’ their anxiety straight away. The point is, the way we talk to them about anxiety matters. 

We don’t want them to be scared of anxiety, because we don’t want them to be scared of the brave, important, new, hard things that drive anxiety. Instead, we want to validate and normalise their anxiety, and attach it to a story that opens the way for brave: 

‘Yes you feel anxious - that’s because you’re about to do something brave. Sometimes it feels like it happens for no reason at all. That’s because we don’t always know what your brain is thinking. Maybe it’s thinking about doing something brave. Maybe it’s thinking about something that happened last week or last year. We don’t always know, and that’s okay. It can feel scary, and you’re safe. I would never let you do something unsafe, or something I didn’t think you could handle. Yes you feel anxious, and yes you can do this. You mightn’t feel brave, but you can do brave. What can I do to help you be brave right now?’♥️

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